


50 Strokes of Tethras

by comavampure



Series: Ancestor's Tits [2]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: 50 Shades of Grey Parody, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BDSM, F/M, Insert in Thedas, Inspired by 50 Shades of Grey, Modern Character in Thedas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 14:13:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8017135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comavampure/pseuds/comavampure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selena River is a struggling writer who has maintained a friendship with a group of writers for five years over the fadenet.  They've helped her over the years with her manuscript and encouraged her to get her book published. Only she's always met with rejection after rejection. Finally she accepts the help of "Prose" who invests money into her book for her to self-publish. It goes well until she gets invited to sell the rights to her book to two publishing houses "Spear&Sorrow" and "House Davri."  She learns that her online friends were all professional writers, some even that she looked up to.  </p><p>Modern AU for "<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/6233458/chapters/14282695">By the Tits of My Ancestors</a>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Strokes of Tethras

Selena scowled as she opened another rejection letter. Every single one of her manuscripts, rejected from all her preferred publishing houses. She tossed each of them into her filing cabinet and slumped in her office chair.  She'd give up by now if it weren't for her group of friends online, cheering her own.  One especially had even beta'd her work, offering gentle encouragement, constructive criticism and even praise on the story idea. Now though, now she just needed to find a publishing house who'd take her on as a new author. For now though, she needed a few words of encouragement. She logged online. 

ProseImPurple: Hey, Quill! Any word back? 

QuilledInk:  Prose, yeah more rejection letters though.

ProseInPurple: Aw. Which houses? 

QuilledInk:  Panguine, Random, and even Feathered! 

ProseImPurple:  No!  Not feathered! 

ProseImPurple:  I thought for sure they would, considering...

QuilledInk:  I know they took on Elias Green's work! And that's basically fanfiction! 

ProseImPurple: Hmm, yeah.  What about the others? 

ProseImPurple:  Any word yet on Spear&Sorrow? Warden? 

QuilledInk:  Nah, nothing yet on either. TBH i bet they didn't even read it. 

ProseImPurple:  Aw don't say that, you just have to give them time.  Your manuscript was five hundred pages after all. 

QuilledInk:   I know!  I should have cut it up.  Who the heck is going to take on a new author with that long of a novel?! Ugh. I'm a failure. 

ProseImPurple:  hey, hey, Quill. Come on. How about we do another writing exercise? 

QuilledInk:  ...

QuilledInk:   What kind?

Selena paused, her stomach twisted in knots as she stared at the notification that read ProseinPurple is typing. This was something they had suggested.  She knew what it really was just roleplaying, but "writing exercise"  certainly sounded ten times more professional than roleplay.  Still, the roleplays they always seemed to gravitate toward were also of the romantic variety.  Probably because they both needed help with the romance arcs in their works.  But at least Prose was a published author already. Still, she couldn't help but feel her cheeks warm as she read over the exercise and promptly squealed into her pillow.

They “exercised their writing collaboratively” a story about a young male dwarf trying to scrounge up enough coin to pay off his debt while working as a prostitute when he meets a high born noble dwarf lady in the church. The two hit it off, meeting in secret, subverting the guild’s laws and rules of how forbidden and completely against traditional law it was. Until the Lady Dwarf ends up the head of the family with no heir and takes her prostitute lover as her consort. They always got to just this part in everything they “collaboratively” wrote together, before she gave her excuse.  It’s not that she didn’t want to write out the… explicit scenes, it’s just she doesn’t include them in her work so why bother writing it? Prose always understood of course and they moved onto another subject or exercise. 

Today though, she shrugged and began continuing. 

ProseImPurple: !!! 

ProseImPurple: You sure? 

QuilledInk: Yeah! Hit me with your best shot. 

QuilledInk: I mean if my other stuff isn’t getting attention, why not try romance, yeah? 

ProseImPurple: Well, write what you want to write, not what you think will sell. 

QuilledInk: Says the published author.  Also didn’t you write a super cringe worthy romance serial just because it’d sell? Hypocrite. 

QuilledInk: You still have got to tell me which serial that is. 

ProseImPurple: Ah but then you’d find out who I am, Mademoiselle. 

QuilledInk: True true. Though if my work ever gets published, you’ll hear about it and know who I am.  How’s that fair?

ProseImPurple: Ah that’s true.  When it’s very clear you’ll end up published. 

QuilledInk: Wait no.  That’s not!

ProseImPurple: Too late! Here! 

_ ProseImPurple is uploading file ShittyRomanceThatSomehowSells.pdf _

QuilledInk: Great filename. 

ProseImPurple: Let me know what you think.  That’s actually the next installment. 

QuilledInk: OMG you can’t give me this!

ProseImPurple: Sure i can. 

QuilledInk: But like, what about your contract? 

ProseImPurple: Eh, my editor’s already got it. Why? Do I have to worry about you trying to pawn this off as your own?

QuilledInk: No but… uuhhh this is too much.  I can’t read this1!! 

ProseImPurple: Then read it later, once your published. So it’s fair. 

QuilledInk: You’re terrible. 

ProseImPurple: Aww, love you too ;) 

QuilledInk: I’m going to work on sending my manuscripts out again. See ya!

ProseImPurple: k!  Cya~ :* 

QuilledInk: :P  

QuilledInk signed out. 

Selena stared at the file, tempted to read it but she didn’t. Instead she did as she said she would and sent out more of her manuscripts. With a paper copy and a flash drive.

 

* * *

 

 

Two months later, day after day, she received rejection letters and it was getting to her.  She flopped into bed and pulled her phone out.  She was too tired from work to cook and instead eyed the local pizza place’s number. She should call for pizza. Selena swiped her phone and eyed her bank account information.  She didn’t exactly have money to order food. 

QuilledInk entered chatroom “Write, Procrastinate, Write” 

DaisyLinks: Hey Quill! 

QuilledInk: Hey Daisy! 

ImBlueAndGlow: Quill, how goes the publishing? 

QuilledInk: Seriously considering self-publishing. Might be my best option. How’s the house flipping? 

ImBlueAndGlow: Well..today I found mushrooms growing below the floorboards. 

QuilledInk: Yeck! 

DaisyLinks: But they are edible! 

ProseImPurple: Daisy… everything is edible. Doesn't mean you should eat everything. 

QuilledInk: Yeah. because people are edible too daisy. But you shouldn’t do that...

QuilledInk: Because That would be cannibalism! 

ProseImPurple: it’d be cannibalism! 

ProseImPurple: Hey stop stealing my lines! 

ProseImPurple: :P 

QuilledInk: :* nevaaaah 

SerPussPuss: Ugh, why don’t you two kiss already. 

QuilledInk: Make me! 

 

 

ProseImPurple messaged you privately. 

ProseImPurple: If you are going for the self-publishing route, now would be a good time you know. 

QuilledInk: Haha… I’d need serious dough for that.  The start up investment is insane! 

ProseImPurple: It’s like what? A thousand dollars right? That’s not a lot. 

QuilledInk: Haha… 

QuilledInk: You’re not joking are you. 

QuilledInk: I dunno if you know this but like… i’m not exactly living in the lap of luxury here. 

ProseImPurple:  But you go to all those writing classes and conventions I suggested. 

QuilledInk: Well yeah. Had to skip a few meals here and there, but I really wanted to go. 

ProseImPurple: Quill… 

QuilledInk: Prose…

QuilledInk: Look writing is my  _ passion _ . A few meals skipped to give me an edge is nothing. 

ProseImPurple: *sighs* Fine. How about this. I’ll invest in your book. 

QuilledInk: Ha! That’s funny. 

ProseImPurple: I’m serious. 

QuilledInk: Bahaha. Yeah okay. 

ProseImPurple: Quill 

  
  


 

QuilledInk: Guys, prose is like “I’ll invest in your book.”  Look at this crazy guy here. 

SerPussPuss: That’s actually a godo idea. 

SerPussPuss: good* He’s got the money. 

HawkEye entered the chat. 

SerPussPuss: Squeeze him for every penny, Quill!! 

SerPussPuss: LOL

HawkEye: What did I come back to? 

SerPussPuss: Quill won’t take a gift, again. 

HawkEye: Quill, hun. Please take the gift. 

HawkEye: Wait, Puss, what gift? 

ILikeBigBoats: Well she never did take my gift. 

QuilledInk: Your gift was a dildo! 

ILikeBigBoats: You needed it. You still do. 

QuilledInk: Do not! 

ProseImPurple: She really doesn’t, Boats. 

ILikeBigBoats: Aww you’re no fun

ProseImPurple: She’s got me for that anyway. 

QuilledInk: AGH

HawkEye: HAHA 

ImBlueAndGlow: heh

QuilledInk: PROSE staaaahhhppp 

ILikeBigBoats: Well now I’m jealous. 

ISeeTheLight has entered the chat. 

ISeeTheLight: Good morning guys! 

QuilledInk: Raito-san! SAVE ME 

ISeeTheLight: Um? 

ISeeTheLight: From what? 

QuilledInk: Salacious Sinners Surround us. 

QuilledInk: You’re the only pure one. 

ISeeTheLight: Quill… please remember I write smutty fanfiction. Exactly how am I pure? 

QuilledInk: Yeha but your stuff’s cute. 

ISeeTheLight: -_- cute you say. Did you even read the last chapter? 

ILikeBigBoats: Oh was that the chapter with the Sisters? 

ISeeTheLight: Yes. And the Chantry priest from tevinter. 

QuilledInk: -hangs head- ugh. 

Selena rolled over, dropping her phone. She dreamed of pizza with extra cheese and bacon toppings. At least tomorrow was her day off and she could sleep in. 

 

* * *

QuilledInk messaged ProseImPurple privately.

QuilledInk: You still willing to invest in my book? 

QuilledInk: Prose? 

QuilledInk: Shit sorry. 

QuilledInk: Knew I shouldn’t have. Sorry, sorry. 

ProseImPurple: hey sorry, I was in a meeting. 

ProseImPurple: Yes! I’d really would like to invest.  Why are you apologizing? 

QuilledInk: Nothing. Sorry. Forget about it. 

ProseImPurple: Quill. Maker’s sake, what’s your palpay? 

QuilledInk: No no it’s fine. 

ProseImPurple: QUILL 

QuilledInk: FINE  www.palpay.fade/quillink 

ProseImPurple: Thank you. 

QuilledInk: Ugh, this is such a terrible idea.  

ProseImPurple: It’s not. Consider it a gift.  There. 

QuilledInk: Thank you. 

ProseImPurple: Sorry what was that? 

QuilledInk: … really? We’re typing to each other. 

ProseImPurple: Sorry, I can’t read, I need it in Caps. 

QuilledInk: You’re a douche. 

ProseImPurple: Oh you need more money

QuilledInk: OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH PLEASE DON’T

QuilledInk: PROSE!  You take that back. 

ProseImPurple: Nah. That’s so you can buy Adobe.  You’re going to need it to help with setting up your book for ebooks. 

QuilledInk: Oh.  Okay.  I uh.  Seriously thank you.  Do you want anything in return? 

ProseImPurple: A signed copy.  And maybe a sexy picture of you. 

QuilledInk: … 

ProseImPurple: Too much? 

QuilledInk: I uh.  Maybe??? ;////; 

ProseImPurple: Are you really blushing? 

QuilledInk: Maybe….

ProseImPurple: Please send me a picture of your flushing cheeks. :P 

QuilledInk: Ugh. 

QuilledInk has uploaded file Capture1.png

ProseImPurple: Andraste’s ass, I wasn’t serious. 

ProseImPurple: Quill…

QuilledInk:  Ugh I know I’m gross. I’m just going to log off. Thank you for the investment. UGH I’ll let you know when its ready. 

QuilledInk has logged off. 

ProseImPurple: Quill, you’re actually really beautiful. 

ProseImPurple: Maker fuck woman.  

ProseImPurple: For when you get back.  

ProseImPurple: Your cheeks are really red in this, I wonder if your chest gets as red when you blush. 

 

* * *

 

“Prose” sat back in his office chair, ignoring his editors who waited for him. He’s the one who had set up this meeting and he was ignoring them in favor of his internet friend. He grinned. 

“Are you done flirting with her?” Hawke rolled his eyes at the opposite side of the table. 

“Yeah, just a second.” “Prose” chuckled as he saved the picture she had sent to his desktop. 

“Oh she’s adorable.  Is that Quill?” Merrill, or DaisyLinks, peeked over his shoulder 

“Can we get back to the point of this meeting?” Anders, or SerPussPuss, exasperated as he clicked his pen. “I’d like to get back to the shelter, we just got a litter of knickerweasel cats and they are just adorable.” 

Fenris, or ImBlueAndGlow, rolled his eyes as he stirred his tea, stepping behind to look at his employer’s laptop. “Varric, she’s much too young for you.” 

“She’s twenty-eight.” Varric “Prose” Tethras scoffed but did scratch at the scruff of grey hairs on his chesthair that was permanently on display due to his choice in shirts. “That’s not too young?” 

“No no.” Hawke said. 

“Oh no you’re not too old.” Anders placated. 

“You’re an old man, Varric.” Fenris tutted. 

“Hmm,” Merrill chimed.  “She likes you, doesn’t she?” 

“Yes.” If there was one thing he knew, it was that “Quill” liked him. She was painfully oblivious to her own feelings. 

“Then you’re not too old.” 

“Merrill. When he was twenty, she was ten.” Aveline spoke from her spot by the bar with an exasperated sigh. 

“And when she was twenty, he was thirty? What’s your point manhands?” Isabela, ILikeBoats, swiveled her chair. 

“Are we honestly talking about Varric’s love life?” Carver sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Don’t we have better things to do, like work?” 

“Yes! Lets go back to work. I have kittens to pet.” Anders perked up. 

“Oh, petting kittens. Mind if I join?” Isabela grinned over her glasses. 

“Not those kinds.” 

“Mhmm, sure. Who is that assistant you hired?” 

“Izzy.” 

“Surana?” 

“No, You will not seduce my workers!” Anders growled. 

“You’re no fun.” Izzy stuck her tongue out at him, but the two shared a grin. 

Varric laughed as he typed. “There. Alright, so what have we got?” He left his laptop open, where he noticed QuilledInk was typing and stopping. She did this every time she got embarrassed, she went invisible and always tried responding back but in the end she normally left. 

Truthfully, the woman’s appearance in their chatroom was his fault.  Back when he was first making his debut ten plus years ago, he hadn’t thought to set up an internet presence for his fans. Oh sure knew how to navigate the internet, quite well actually, but then he made a place for his fans and then he wanted a chatroom for his fans and him. Which led to him wanting one for him and his close friends.  Of course he forgot to set the chatroom as private. Write Procrastinate Write was a public chat until just after “QuilledInk” joined with a tentative “hello, is this a chat for amateur writers?” 

That was of course five years ago. Five years of playfully chatting and Quill still thought everyone in there was “amateur” level writers. He wondered what her reaction would be when she finds out they were not only professional, but exceptionally well known. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been in my head all freaking day and I deeply apologize for this.


End file.
